Tame the Beast within

“Do you living your dream?”

It is an inextricable part of my life for adjusting dreams. My Dream in high school, was to be a barber, inspired by Takuya Kimura’s Film,  In College, was to work in Brand Management. Now? The reality is am I living in Jakarta, working at a corporation, earned an MBA, lived overseas. Can you gauge my dream deviation and standard of error? Now, I have curiosity on Venture Capital.

I believed  on Allah’s blessing, for always showing me path through many serendipity. Anand Krishna which taught me of the importance of respecting diversity, Djenar M. Ayu which tell me the exoticism of Jakarta, and an event in University of Indonesia in 2008, called Youth and Multicultural Conference, seared my ambition to be able to deliver speech without text in public.

I met many inspiring individual who changed my perspective of how big a desire should be and triumph it. I met friends from Strategy Consulting Firms, Investment Bank, Venture Capital, Private Equity and Tech Startup; I met mentors who shared me their wisdom on how they get into their position, I felt aspired of what they do.

Last Monday, I visited a Toastmaster at Menara Imperium, A speech by Reggy.H, He said “If your desire is not scared you, its not big enough”. He reminds me the importance of balancing  Idealism VS Realism and  being proud of yourself as a tools to distinguish you from others. if you don’t have pride, you don’t have character. I was imbued to find and tame beast within me.

Do you do what You wanted to do? Do you aspired of what You do?

first – A realism 

I felt blessed on my job, learning new skills in enterprise risk management, marketing, and networking opportunity in HQ and Business Unit. the role is not scare me to death, probably since it still my 3rd months, (still) limited knowledge, and a transition from working in 4th gear into 2nd gear, and euphoria of worked in multiple departments. but like my previous boss said, “There will be a time when you being put at Kawah Chandra di Muka, and when you be there, what you do is deliver the best, be the best Kid“, I think its a good time for me to enjoy the role, since i would have more time to do my what’s next.

Second – an Idealism

I like to work in Project Management, Business Development, Investment, and Marketing; roles that I passionate and I believe i can be my best. I feel that a role in a VC  is fit for me. People said, compared to folks who have corporate finance background and graduated overseas would be have higher chance to be hired, given that most PE and VC in Indonesia funds are generated by overseas graduated, is it an indicator that I must go to West Coast?

Third – The Middle Ground

Wise man said “Grit, focus, and perseverance” is a key to get what we wants. Not all the things we truly want can be easily get. I have a hallow voice, a beast; spoke to me “it is very close if you bravely jump out”,  but the steadiness also thwart me to jump out. The older we are, the more we become risk averse. to conclude, if no one from my elementary school eligible to enter the most prestigious high school in my district and get full scholarship in college, if no one from my college able to enter the big company and sent overseas,  If no local boy able to enter a VC, Could I?

NJ.090517

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Jakarta’s Transportation 7 Years ago and Now, and outlook of the future.

There’s positive and negative impact of owning car, my friends asked me; why I don’t purchase car; I still do not have budget to own the car that i wanted to have, handling Insurance Premium, Maintenance, and Administration cost. I heavily rely on Jakarta Public transportation, especially online motor and car hailing, my favorite is Grab and Uber for Car, those two provides decent discount, My Favorite for motor is Go-Jek since it always provides masks both face and hair. These service was never existed two years ago, and it has changed my transportation preference.

If People said Jakarta is left behind compared to neighbor country such as Singapore and Hong Kong, yes it does, but I have faith soon it will change, at least by 2019.

I kvetching why the infrastructure project development has caused traffic become crippled, especially around SCBD, Mampang, and Matraman. I feel it since for last three months I frequently work in AI WTC Office. Transjakarta has becoming solution of the problem, its extensive networks now is better than 7 years ago; I used to take Transjakarta from UKI Cawang to Pasar Rebo; then I change transport with Kopaja 510 or Metromini 509 to go to my prior Office at TB Simatupang.

Here some tips on how to  use Transjakarta:

  1. Purchase e-money by alternative Bank; the price of e-money is IDR 40.000 (USD 3), it contained IDR 20.000. (I hope i can be e-money provider; at least those who use it in early morning and after hour are mostly fixed income segment, the white collar who lived in Jakarta, Bekasi, Cileduk). the most interesting part is the tariff is flat, IDR 3500 per trip to anywhere.
  2. Make Sure to have plenty of time, last Wednesday, I planed to attend Toastmaster class at SCBD on 7 PM; 18KM distance. by 6 PM I arrived at ITC Cempaka Putih Shelter, it took 15 minutes to wait TJ 2A; which go straight to Senayan;  but it got stuck in Senen Tunnel, for 30 minutes; I arrived at Senen Shelter by 7 PM. meaning I canceled the class. I knew that was my fault to use TJ, next time I will spare 2 hours ahead, or I use Gojek then stop at Harmoni Shelter, I believe the waiting time will be less than 5 minutes. I expect Government should adds more TJ to reduce waiting time.
  3. Make Sure Sit at the right seat and be ready to stand on rush hour, I was too tired at the time and I was sit at woman only seat, and every eyes on me, I thought its due to my affable face, but seems i sit at pink marked seat. during rush hour at 5 – 7 PM, TJ is like a Human Fridge, you can smell various odors,  natural and artificial. and make sure you put your bag or purse in front of your body.

I think government is quite fast for developing LRT and MRT which will be done by 2019 I am a believer of “centralization”, that people will return to the center; which I saw it in Hong Kong and Singapore, that transporation is becoming a central role of urban living. So If you wanted to purchase property, it must be in the center, not go too far into Serpong, BSD, Bekasi, or the newly developed The Meikarta,  (but now i fall in love with Sentul City – I think its an exception to have a small cottage there with a mountain view). I realize living in the center is expensive, but it is a strong motivation to strive harder, go beyond everyone expectation, and Invest on your Skill.

I am ardent on facing the future.

Jakarta North 030917

 

7 Years in Jakarta – The true meaning of corporate value

September 2017 marked my end period to work for FIFGROUP the most profitable multifinance in Indonesia, an IDR 2 Trillion and IDR 33 Trillion by Asset company, as a Business Development.  September marked my 7 years staying out of my comfort zone, 6 years living in Jakarta and 1 year in Hong Kong, has been changing lots of my unproductive behaviors, such as; afraid to speak up my aspirations; too perfectionist, and lack of  empathy.

Factor I believed affect my perspectives was by working at FIFGROUP, a company that i barely known 7 years ago (especially What Business Are They In); a moment where i was fizzled, obscured, on what i will do after graduation from college in Malang. I wrote, because I wanted to thank FIFGROUP for imbuing me with enormous opportunities; Knowledge and understanding about the richness, diversity, opportunity of Indonesia, the importance of determination and perseverance for achieving dreams “Wujudkan Impianmu” , being mentored and coached by luminaries leadership figures in multifinance sector. and the most important is it taught me some transferable skills  such as:

  • Teamwork; I was a believer that I must become the best, but that perspective not totally correct, I learned about how to run together happily the Hamburger Theory  “taught me that we must be careful not to hurt others feeling by always saying good things about them” (by Pak IDP) and never afraid to ask question to the right person (By Pak SHT), and do not make my self seems so exclusive (Pak APR).
  • Excellence, Striving to be the best, it reminds me of Pak HSM, as my mentor he reminds me that my track records which always achieved highest result in school and college has affected my behavior to become a perfectionist, and sometimes its hinders me to accept the fact that I gonna be less affable, since not all people are perfectionist and have a willingness to be pushed forward beyond their normal speed.
  • Achieving, the spirit to achieve what we planed and triumph it, or called militant spirit is so engendered,  a company which 10 years ago only made $10 Million has been transformed into $150 Million,  I learned lots of opportunities to craft Strategy, from Porter 5 Forces, PESTEL, VRIO, SWOT, Budgeting, Project Management from Pak JJU. Created New Product Financing for FIFGROUP, which I learned a lot on how to create partnership with company such as PT.ANTAM, Leading team across department in HQ and Branches, and achieved targeted sales plan. It wont be a successful endeavor if my best boss by far (Ms.SME) was not give me trust, support, and back up to execute all the plan and my co-partner (Mr.RMP)
  • Moving Forward; means to continuously Innovate, I really appreciated opportunities given by Bu RAP, Pak JJU, Pak RGU, and Pak WAT, who gave me opportunities to join FIFGROUP innovator team in 2015 (Me-Roar – DNH) and also 2017 (One thing team – SAD). a very special thanks to Bu RAP and Pak IGJ, who gave me opportunity to partner with the most beautiful lady in BD department, Ms. SMI, to attend Innovate Jardines in Hongkong on March 2017, and also Bu RAP and Pak SBT who give me opportunity to Join BD Team in 2016.

Going Forward

I really indebted to FIFGROUP, Astra and Jardines, on various opportunities they gave to me, 7 years ago, a never thought about what M&A, Investment Banking, Strategic Consulting Firm, and Tech Startup; currently i really interested to learn about those role, especially Corporate Venture Capital. i just wondering, one day, Astra can have a very strong venture capital arm, such as Google Venture, GDP Venture, Northstar, or Toyota AI Venture. 

Action ≠ Result

Jakarta Northern Part

September 3rd 2017

 

 

Independence Day – Am I Independent?

I think I am not independent, I still unable to get what i want, anytime i want. that’s my definition of independent. that might be too plain definition. but life is a process to get what we want, what we deserve, and have determination to do all the things required to achieve it.

so for the sake of gets me Independent, i always try to do what i have plan, which during last 8 months i’ve been doing some improvement for accelerate my independence endeavor:

More Run, but Slower Pace 

I did 4 marathons (Sentul, Tokyo, Tahura, Bandung) for last 8 month of 2017. and I grateful that i have a self determination, to finish all of that, however, My Strava indicates my speed is getting slower. my fastest Marathon was 5 hour 11 minutes, but my latest result in Bandung, was 6 hour 30 minutes. my pace degradation is an early warning for me to train harder. but the funny part is i stop smoking since early 2017, but hypothetically my pace should be higher right? but the fact is different with expectation.

More Skills to Learn, becoming A Shapeshifter

2017 is a fanciful year. I worked in business development since September 2016; my job involving create new product for the company and being lead by the best boss that i ever work with, she is smart and back me up when shit happen; then in June 2017, I transferred to the Group HQ in North Jakarta, overseeing all financial services, and force me to learn about risk management.  since in this current role my new boss my job is such a lubricant, or oil. I just wondering how to become the best oil? I still in a transition period from being engine for growth into an Oil. my new organization is in an endeavor to becoming on of biggest financial conglomerates in Indonesia; and i just a part of it, so hopefully i can be a world class oil, i think the best oil is still Shell.

From South to North

I hate north Jakarta. I love south Jakarta. given the fact that i’ve been living in Kelapa Gading for last 3 months, I love south jakarta more. i just cant wait to move to south by early of 2018. the water quality is poor, little bit salty. and I miss my routine in Coffeewar, tahu telor Fatmawati, and Senayan.

So given the fact i still live in North while I want to live in south, its a strong indicator that i am not independent, the company still have power to drive me go to the office.

Jakarta, August 17 2017.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

on set thing up

I have been wandering to a question:

“what i must do to accelerate my self, for achieving what I’ve been dreaming of?

I am grateful, I just turned into 28, I felt nothing I can be proud of, but some friends told me that I’ve been doing things that has changed me into what I am now. It started  8 years ago, when I day dreamed to work in Jakarta and took best business school in Indonesia on my University library, and i am reading SWA magazine, I even i worked in biggest conglomeration which had been send to Hong Kong for exclusive trainee program with those who studied in top university in UK, US, and Singapore, those who had widen my perspective on seeing the world.

I had finished 2 marathons for last 4 months in Bali and Jakarta. and put world 7 marathon as my next target before i turned into 40. and be able to do triathlon under 30. I really into this endurance race. but i must reconsider of being champion, since i am not the fastest. but given the race result at least i always at the top of 30% participant. not the best in class yet.

I am grateful, surrounded by inspiring friends and mentors who indirectly pushed me and notified me to keep track on my goals and achievements. even some said i tend to be picky for befriend with people, but that’s not true, because i believe that I will be genuinely interested to go out if we both have chemistry, I do not want to push such kinda boring relationship but with no interesting content to be talked about. i realized that I am not interesting, but at least I know  and can feel those whom i really befriend with, is really genuine. i really do not agreed with artificial friendship.

The problem lies on what next, I felt that with the fast paced changes both in the real and business world, i need to foster my competitive advantage than my peers, where not only taking technical skills but also leadership capability.

During last 2 years, this strength has been dulling, I rarely use it, where I tried to be imperfect and not demanding. for example,  I tried to avoid some responsibilities which the idea initiated by me. My last business school project, the idea was from me, but i was not taking the leadership role, and gave it to my friend. My Innovator team project in 2015, i also given up the responsibility to other team,  and probably the last was on coffee project, where i should taking the responsibility to steer the wheel.

My last personal appraisal, my leader gave special spotlight on my leadership skills, where I assigned  to grind down my capacity to lead a team, even there still no direct line that I must control, but I do agreed with her statement.

I tried to give example of my negligence:

  1. not able to listen carefully –> during meeting with people more than 10, i always lead the meeting and sharing the purpose, and keep track on all of the conversation, but sometimes i miss interpret on what people saying, i think this is because of when people explain his thoughts, i always nodding my head, it seems to show that i am understand what he is talking about, but honestly i do not get the idea, or the eye contact was too long and I unable to figure out quickly what i wanted to say to counter the conversation; not effective. What I must do? i think i need to not pretend that i understand (with risking people will say that i am not quick learner) but we don’t know what we don’t know. i must be able to be in present moment, not too much thinking on what i must do next in conversational context.
  2. Bad Writing habit –> since i lead the meeting and make sure everyone  grab the ideas, sometimes in some conversation, and when trying to make notes after meeting, i spent 3 hours, to rewrite, and to understand my own writing, i also record the meeting with my phone, to make sure i am not loss the points, and as you know rewrite and re-listen voice, is hell taking lot of time and energy. i think i can do it better by restate the meeting notes before meeting ends. but i really like to write, but i hate my own writing, its really difficult to read, but if better writing can be a goal, i will choose it as my near future goal.
  3. Come with an empty handed idea – no concept to bring onto the table. it was content of my conversation with my mentor within company, that an officer role is to bring concept and prove that it works; and that made him reach his current position. I am totally agreed on the concept thing. but that my weakness, during last 4 months, I do not comes up with a concept, i tend to brainstorm, on what best idea to be applied by absorbing everyone solution. it has weakness that those that I asked for contribution, sometimes do not know what they are doing. Collaboration seems will be effective if everyone legitimately represents their skills. A friend told me, when you come to me, what your concept? I said to him, that i do not have concept, I came to him to ask for what he did, as an expert. at the moment, I felt embarrassed. I laughed, and said to him that i wanted to learn from him, even later on he explain his things, I totally do not like the word selection that he use to encounter me. and then, I have a peer to compete with now. which means, I must show what am i capable of in a subtle and eloquence way; things that i called flanking attack. I like this adrenaline rush.
  4. Not tracking my project –> this is also my biggest fault, for the last 1 year, i always using short term management, (depend on luck and serendipity, rarely involving other people, it works for single operations) but it totally doesn’t work, especially if you have partner who is such a watchdog where his appearance unpredictable and distracting, and of course that’s not my direct line, but peers, and i don’t like it in professional way. thus from now on, i must taking the responsibility to rule my own project. i do not want to be cocky, but i must believe that my capability is far beyond my friend.

That are my negative list for professional way, but i also facing some negative list for my social live:

  1. priority management –> currently i involved in two hobby project, where it has taken plenty of my after office time. made me literally return by 12 am. It has risking my sleeping time reduced, I had known the consequences, I had fixed schedule for team meeting on Tue, Wed, and Sat. but it seems that plenty distraction during the meeting process must be reduced. to remain effective, i think i should be more discipline on how many hours i must spend to meet them. I don’t even have time to read books with the reason that i do not have proper writing desk in my boarding house.
  2. Health management –> I rarely have time for long distance run now, and getting more sloppy by only run for 10 minutes in gym. in addition my smoking habit get worse, it just so quick to spend 1 pack during my side project meeting, kinda chain smoker community here.
  3. Finance Management –> I felt that i quite discipline in this matter, but i still need to improve, by reducing my credit card savvy behavior into cash basis or prepaid card, thanks for go pay which makes me easier to manage my bill. and RDN account that makes me unable to cash out my asset easily.
  4. Live Shelter –> December is one of pivotal moment in my life Journey, for the first time in my life, i allocate my weekend to decide which location that i wanna live in, i had been touring to Depok, Ciputat, Pamulang, Pondok Labu, Bintaro, and Cinere. I even calculate the number of redlight, and probabilities of traffic during weekdays and weekend, and facilities surrounding the location.  if the location is above 15km from TB simatupang, the housing price still below 1 Billion IDR, but in Cinere the price has reached 1 Billion and thats very small. while apartment still priced below 1 Billion in Cinere, so decided to apply housing loan from bank, where i don’t know whether it approved or not. the interesting part on my endeavor to search housing is, finally I know the price of house in Fatmawati, Kemang, and Cinere, the location that i wanted to live in priced around 2-6 Billion. I just falling love with South Jakarta. but given the fact that i don’t have sufficient fund by the time i am writing this note, I think it’s good for me to keep my ambition to have a proper home in South Jakarta before i get 35. and it made me things to figure out, what disruptive solution to make me able to have it?

My Problems sounds so materialistic, it ended up with my inability to purchase the housing that i wanna be into, to live in present. Most of time, my desire, aspirations, and appetite is beyond what i have now; even for female things that i truly picky. but that has empower me to do more, that’s the energy to move me beyond my comfort condition which i already grateful on what I got. If i am not seeing the sky, I never know how far i can fly. I too much seeing ground lately, being too grateful with what i had, but seeing the price of property, I must work hard to achieve this. by collaborate with right partner, prioritizing on things that important, and sharpen my technical and strategic capability.

it still long way to go, i wishing to live until age 80, still 52 years to go. what happening during last 7 years, i felt so grateful. but i must reach my potential.

Bruno Mars.

Dancing With another Man

Coffeewar, December 26th 16:11 PM.

 

 

 

Stand on my ground

it was my biggest mistake when i always trying to do what i do not wanted to do. for the last 3 months, some big things that i think i must  take A decision, then i changed into B decision due to i tried to please other people, even i do not fully embrace the idea.

This afternoon, my friend told me that he is insecure of his relationship with woman he had been partnering with for years. and i intensively share what i thought to my friend and try to absorb his solution. what i always remember is that he said i need affirmation of my decision, even i share my decision, it doesn’t mean my ultimate decision changed. his insecurity seems affecting his suggestion towards me; creating bias that shouldn’t be don’t by a mentor.

frequently some hunch come across and i didn’t follow it; i do regret why i am not following my intuition; where these intuitions have been guiding me in to get what i wanna get, and be what i wanna be.

some senior folks also reminds me that i must not try to not being my self.

it seems like i do not know what i wanna do and get, i unable to envision my future. i believe it will be more adventurous but plenty risks to overcome.

what i need is to become my self. even some friend told me that i am blunt and genuine, but i feel like i not say what i wanna say, not do what i wanna do. it seems like the brain trapped in a body. I must change.

I must change, I must change, I must change, I must change, I must change.

the positive energy that wakes me up every morning and make me hustle along the day, seems gone. but i must find my true self as fast as possible, by listen more to my intuition. in my thinking process and mindset.

I must have positive energy, positive energy, positive energy.

I must have self motivation, an urge to achieve more.

I believe that i can do what i wanna do, and be what i wanna be. and i dont wanna be or mimicking someone else.

Please Lord, guides me to become a genuine me. A man who stand on his ground, with convincing way of speaking and step.

Jakarta, November 15 2019.

Playing in same battlefield!

Pivot is the most frequent word i heard for last one month. based on Merriam Webster, “the action of turning around a point : the action of pivoting”. it seems a huge force inside of me that i wanna change something inside me. but i don’t know what exactly i must change. I felt it driven by my curiosity.

I was struck by “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There” by marshal goldsmith. change is inevitable, but what should i change if I don’t know what I must change?

During  twelve months in Hong Kong. I met and be friend with many people, they are around 5-10 years above me, French, Polish, Italian, British, Hong Kong, Germanic, Dutch, India, Cambodian, Chinese (Ningbo, Shenzen, Beijing, and Shanghai) Korean (Seoul and Busan), Australian (Sidney), San Fransisco, Boston, New York, Singaporean, where i met them in the Company, Club, and Founder Institute Hong Kong.

It is beyond what I had ever dreamed; I can interact with diverse people; i felt thrilled and I felt like I really can be Me, without I try to pleased anyone. maybe it is also part of my last month topic, about an urgency for me to really stand on my ground, and put a strong defense on what I thought and aspired.

I felt, what i learned is just mediocre things compared to what they had learned; seen, and accomplished. In some social event, i felt that my topic is about Indonesia, while their topic about the world. and it increase my curiosity to see them too.

How to go there? how to get more money? work hard? really?

Now i am thinking about working hard is the underlying factor that i must do, but there’s some connection of what these people doing, they are in financial service sector and very well connected, people knows people.  most of them in Venture capitals, Multinational Banks, Investment banks, and Hedge Fund. I also in Financial service too. same game, but different battle field. I played in Indonesia and they played Asia pacific or world.

Someday, I will play in a same battlefield with them

to achieve that, i must have a burning desire and specific things to improve. yeah I will play in same battlefield with them. its a must. Allah bless me, to reach that point.

Coffeewar, October 16th 2016

Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton