Jya…Genki de.. letter of confession to my Divine God. ALLAH.. i want You to forgive me

tonight, i felt so sad.

i felt so lonely.

the girl whom i loved, leave me alone.

while she had decided to get the new one’s.

i dont know what am i thinking of, until i encouraging my self to write this kind of emotional letter to this blog. i just learnt about “hiding dont fix anything” , a quote from a funny J-Drama. it was making me understood that i’ve hide a lot of things with everyone near me…within my circumference..

while i always

i dont know where i have to start my stories. but it might be a good starting point for me, to change my habbit for being introvert person. i am not introvert actually, but only about my love and family in particular.

i dont know, what am i thinking of, until i writing my sad stories in my blog. but my situations right now was very fragile. i never thought that this kind of “mellow” activity would be started by me.

but this is me, the real Tan-Tular.

since i read a lot of Anand Krishna Books during this month, i realize the importance of love and beloved by the others.

and why.. when i’ve started to learn how to love better, by using my real feeling.. the KARMA …visits me…

why, when i really need her love, she decided to make a relationship with another guy.. and told me that all the things she’ve done in order to make a revenge…about the scandal that i’ve done in the early 2008 with unknown woman from brawijaya medical faculty,

i dont want to open my past bad experience, but let me tell the real and might be funny for all of us,

2 years ago, i lied to a girl, and hurt her. in doing so, i lost everything. it was only afterwards that i realized how much she meant to me.

i am regret it now…

To Be Continued.. i am so hungry..i have to eat to be more precisely arrange words

wow.. today is february 13th,,, now i being in Pare, to learn english, maybe its kind of runaway, or learning proccess?

now this is the fourth months she leaved me, with him. i dont understand why..it seems uneasy for me to forget all of my experiences with her during our four consecutive years relationship. 🙂

i tryna understands… that this is the real feeling, i never felt like this.. this is love.. probably…..

but, time must go on, and i gradually erase…format….destroy.. all of my beautiful memories with her.

i have to be a tough guy,… i am still young..21 years old, energetic…passionate… smart ( i hope), i will prove to her that i will find a better woman… not a better girl… more sophisticated woman..not a sophisticated girl…

only my close friends knew how much i always thinking about her… how much i had devoted my pure love to her.. i knew that means nothing now… i already knew that there’s no intention by her to make the relationship better..eventhough we’ve separated by destiny…

i just wishing to the God, that she will always beloved by someone who really loves her…

and also i will pray for myself… to make my life even better than before… even brighter than before… and even smarter than before…

i hope when i write this letter.. being a churning point of my life.. to realize that i still have much time to do something more beneficial for me..rather than just thinking about my relationship with her…

i will respect her forever,


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