In search of my self; April Progress Report

In  search of my self ,.. its the beginning or the ending… Deepak Chopra Said that my activity was called self mastery… hmm sounds to scientific huh?

After breaking up with her, i’ve decided to devote my time recognize who am i? For what am i stand for? Why the Divine God sent me to this beautiful world?

That questions always haunting me; every time i breathe…  is that true that i have to chase my love? Do you think this is a weird question? Oh no, Temon had already change his mind or he was just getting crazy because he just being left by his beloved one?

During this last 3 months, i tryna to discover, what is the true meaning of love in my mind…wit..and feeling.. i asked to a lot of my friend (an also my exs) about what are their opinions regarding to me.. firstly, they just sent me a little smile.. how could you asked me that kind of ridiculous questions? Dont you have any other things to be asked about? You are not FHM that i ever known..recognized? what happened with your live?

I used to be kind of introvert person (i thought), and i never have a flaws during my relationships especially with the girls ( i thought).. and i always understand with their desires ( i guessed)…

When i am wrting this note, a was 21 years, 3 months and 4 days; i realized that i am in the middle age; an age where i have to make decisions about my own life,love and future.  I’ve done a lot of sins (they said) but for me all the things i’ve done were not sins by any means. This is my live journey though.. i met a lot of friends during my college, i faced a lot of new adventures, and many brand new thought which shapes me now.. being someone who always has many questions in his brain, curious, bold, and sometimes inconsistent.

During my journey to understand who i am, i found there was a lot of flaws on me.. a long the years i’ve tryna cover it up. Thats why sometimes i  unable to freely share my experiences, stories, feelings to the other; even my closest couple. i always keep it by my self..

In search of my self… finally i understood, i just need a bit of time to find myself in solitude.. separated from my beloved one and let her find someone else whom she thought could give her something that she needs.. understanding, availability, compassion, and love.

Top characteristics of mine that made them felt that i dont have real love.. a factual one..a sincere one.

  1. I never forbided them to hanging out with as many friends as they had
  2. I rarely showed them my love in an explicit way..
  3. Hard to be understood, so they must thinking hardly to grasp my point of views.
  4. Rarely gave them suggestions, advice, they thought i just made them to think; they thought that women or girls has to be driven or controlled to make them fells their couple love.

Actually, i still have someone to be asked about their opinions on me, but it seems to be little difficult to meet them, cz the last time we want to make an appointment, her BF seems to be jealous about our meeting, so i’ve decided to postpone the report. Hopefully i able to meet them soon.

Yeah, when a relationship goes sour, talking about it may be the only way to make things

right again…but in this writing, i wanted to share some insights that i’ve got during my journey, probably  it also a runaway, ha9, i thought its depend on your opinions to assess which one is the right term. I still learning a book called “the lost art of listening” , probably it would be useful for my next journeys. Here some of statements i’ve cited from that inspirational book…

To listen is to pay attention, take an interest, care about, take to heart, validate, acknowledge, be moved . . . appreciate. Listening is so central to human existence as to often escape notice; or, rather, it appears in so many guises that it’s seldom recognized as the overarching need that it is.

I speak, you listen. It’s that simple, isn’t it? Unfortunately, it isn’t. Talking and listening creates a unique relationship in which speaker and listener are constantly switching roles, both jockeying for position, each one’s needs competing with the other’s. If you doubt it, try telling someone about a problem you’re having and see how long it takes before he interrupts to describe a similar experience of his own or to offer advice—advice that may suit him more than it does you.

To meet..to love..to care…  is my next things to be learned in future, hopefully the Divine God would shows me the brightest and most inspirational way of live in the future, such one of insurence company ever said “always listening, always understanding” yeah, always be a good listeners for your heart, couple, friends, family, environment, and God.

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