How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships
Second Edition by Michael P. Nichols, Phd.
hey folks, recently i read a great book, which i’ve been learning for improving my communication skills, after i tried to fill these questions with the required numbers; i got 58, it means that i still have lack abilities to understood my friends, i didn’t listen up to them in appropriate ways, i still poor to being a person who have great communication skills, i hope these questions could also give benefits to you; for whom who have great curiousity and passion to understand their friend; couple; and also environment.
How Good a Listener Are You?
When someone is talking to you, do you:
1—Almost never 2—Sometimes 3—Often 4—Almost always
___ 1. Make people feel that you’re interested in them and what they
have to say?
___ 2. Think about what you want to say while others are talking?
___ 3. Acknowledge what the speaker says before offering your own
point of view?
___ 4. Jump in before the other person has finished speaking?
___ 5. Allow people to complain without arguing with them?
___ 6. Offer advice before you’re asked?
___ 7. Concentrate on figuring out what other people are trying to say,
not just respond to the words they use?
___ 8. Share similar experiences of your own rather than inviting the
speaker to elaborate on his or her experience?
___ 9. Get other people to tell you a lot about themselves?
___ 10. Assume you know what someone is going to say before he or she
___ 11. Restate messages or instructions to make sure you understood
___ 12. Make judgments about who is worth listening to and who isn’t?
___ 13. Make a concerted effort to focus on the speaker and understand
what he or she is trying to say?
___ 14. Tune out when someone starts to ramble on, rather than trying to
get involved and make the conversation more interesting?
___ 15. Accept criticism without getting defensive?
___ 16. Think of listening as instinctive, rather than as a skill that requires
making an effort?
___ 17. Make an active effort to get other people to say what they think
and feel about things?
___ 18. Pretend to be listening when you’re not?
___ 19. Respect what other people have to say?
___ 20. Feel that listening to other people complain is annoying?
___ 21. Make effective use of questions to invite people to say what’s on
___ 22. Make distracting comments when other people are talking?
___ 23. Think other people consider you to be a good listener?
___ 24. Tell people you know how they feel?
___ 25. Don’t lose your cool when somebody gets angry at you?
For the odd-numbered
questions, give yourself four points for each question
you answered “Almost always”; three points for “Often”; two points
for “Sometimes”; and one point for “Almost never.” For the even-numbered
questions, the scoring is reversed: four points for “Almost never”; three
for “Sometimes”; two for “Often”; and one for “Almost always.” Total the
number of points.
73–84 Above average
49–60 Below average
1. If you got a high score on this questionnaire, congratulations. Read on
to reinforce what you’re already doing and perhaps get some additional
ideas for improvement. If you scored less well, pick out one bad habit
at a time and practice letting others finish talking, and then let them
know what you think they’re saying before you say what’s on your mind.
Just this will go a long way.
2. During the next few days, pick out a couple of relationships that are
important to you and try to identify two or three things that get in the
way of your listening. Common interferences include: being preoccupied,
trying to do two things at once, having negative thoughts about
the speaker (“He’s always complaining”), not being interested in the
topic, wanting to say something about yourself, wanting to give advice,
wanting to share something similar, being judgmental.
Once you identify two or three of your own bad listening habits,
practice eliminating one of those impediments for a week, but only in
conversations that you decide are important to you.