Monthly Archives: October 2013

father’s day and his 3 commands

this week totally wrecked on health. and yesterday i gotta see the doctor, for making sure my condition quite fine enough. and she said that i was fine. but she put focus on my “amandel” thing, which considered troubled my respiration.

and she explained about the symptoms of this syndrom. that in the night i’ll get woke up in the mids of my sleep,  and this is quite clear that i thought during my whole life,i always felt this condition. and i thought it was due to Ghost attack, something in javanese called “tindihen” , where you felt that u cant breath and u see a ghost right in front of your eyes, tryna to kill you.

oh, okey, then she recommend me to see THT doctor, which i considered never done before, but, i’ll gonna make though, but i dont know when.

lately, i still focusing on how to make my life more neat and i can do things efficiently, regarding to my opinion, my life seem lost its focus. probably due to my party Up project i’ve made since july 2012 till present. i felt struck when i cant go out in the friday or saturday night.

i think i gotta fixed this things up. i knew i can make something bigger than just having some kinda hanky penky, and this morning, i just cut all of my credit card bill since 2012-2013, almost fueling my dustbin, and i cut it through into pieces, and i read many of the bill are contained club name. oh hell, that’s all of the money i invested on learning about drinks, nightlife, and wine lately, seems to much, and probably i could use it for another occasion from now on.

i am not regret on what i did, this is part of my learning circle. 24-25 is an age where i Must Know all of happiness that youth having. and the next step, i should be more put my concern on health and my financial stability.

october 20, actually was my father day, he passed away on 2008. it was 5 years passed. probably, this is one of out last photo, together,


i dont have any gift for my father, 1 think i didnt do that i was not praying that day to him, i felt guilt of that. so as my apologies, i wanted to share values that my father told me:

1. be simple, “sederhana”

2. humble “baik ke orang”

3. never use drugs “jangan pake narkoba”

i believed that in 3rd point i never have involved on that. 1 thing i tryna strenghten is my father ability to easily talk with people humbly, and you know, my father have only 2 hobby:

1. Tennis

2. jogging/running

thats what he do, while his 25 career working for Pelni, as a cashier. on weekend thats all he do. now when i am in a position, as a working class also, i can felt what my father feels. meeting family on weekend must be a heaven, and what i did was, during his late life, i rarely return home on weekend, haha; i am sorry.

i started my running project on May, i never think about it before, but while i run, i felt my body like enjoy it so much. probably its already inherit on my Gene, that my father and i like running.

next is tennis, i already have the racket from my father, and my boss said tennis also trained us to swing in golf course easily. hmmm, seems nice to do,

i hope November (rain), will make me have more focus. concentration. and wishfully affection (new). haha. its been long time since i decided to broke up with my ex.

i hope she’s happy out there. since i seems happy too in here. during my early marticulation class in PMBS, i thought i also cant easily concentrate. i must learn to make it easier to focus,
semoga bapak selalu happy. and i hope i can make you happy there, both. the only thing i can do, is praying. and wishing that you’all happy. i knew my deeds in here brutally  cant be tolerated by you, like i said, this is my 24-25 trip. in a galaxy night where i cant felt happiness and then boredom. and i hope its enough for me. enough for investing on the night, i’ll do more proper thing from now on.
tomorrow i will join jakarta marathon, actually i wish for 22k, but seems my health cant make it through, wishing tomorrow cough will gone.
Bless Me Up.
Oct 26 2013

in search of harmony; Tri Hita Karana

this morning, i had some activities that reminds me why i stood in Jakarta?, lately, my passion “seems” degraded. from frequently late went to office, not make job done, and felt inferior with others. something that i realized trigger negativity on my mind. i believed its not a good sign though.

this week i also prayed, focused on why i stood in jakarta. i was so idealist , felt smart and always strive for perfection, something that i realized not fit to be applied in job environment. probably, all my idealism weren’t truly fit with company’s values. i prayed and i wished for Allah to re-ignite my Ambition, a fire that i believed still there, waiting gases to be spread and explode such a fireworks.

yesterday i also phone by my ex who is still believed that we still can be together. and i trying to tell that, our relationship was unable to make my fire burned. i need an energy, energy that i cant felt anymore by you, i said. i believed my statement totally egocentric. since the day before she told me that she will moved on from me, its ok though, i would help then.

back to the top, i was joining Jakarta Race, a race held by Yayasan Kanker Indonesia. and met so much people who cares on cancer eradication, runs together, i joined the 10 K (and i considered it was only 8). and i heard that the woman (88) told to public that she survived from cancer, and still alive. and the race was held as charity to help those with cancer who needs aid. my mom, like i ever told you, was not survived from cancer, exactly 14 years ago. and thus make me able to do so many woman thing from cooking (water) until shops for any daily needs and taking care of home; while my father (who also passed away 5 years ago), working in surabaya; doing rat race for 25 years in tanjung perak; surabaya.

i believed that conditions, is not just a mere destiny, a strength that i’ve build along my live. can do anything my self, and lead to the way i looking for couple. until now, i still have 3 women that influencing my path, which is yesterday i realized, 3 of them have 2 equality: 1. height above 160 2. resilience and highly motivated. i was happy to know them closely.  and now, on (almost) 25 my age, broken hearted guy (lol), i was under deep undermotivation to do things quite perfectly.

i believed in life, we do have motivation. inside and outside. i do believe my inside motivations cant be removed; since i still on fire to be in pacific asia under my 30, but outside motivation; realized by me as something that i admired. thats why; i do Run, i Do club, i do cafe, i do read, i do gym, i do taking business school, i do i do ido, last night i was having conversation with one of my mentor on doing life in jakarta, this man is the one  who teach me all about clubs and liquor and communication.

i seems had barrier while communicating with others, especially someone new, and its become my weakness that i have to conquer. i have to put of the wall that hinder my face, and be more humble, polite, and charm to people. i hope this can make a harmony in my life. i still have “an Aim High – like John legend said in his song”

the next thing. this morning in TVRI, i watched APEC SUMMIT, i ever wrote on my business school essay, about what my ambition; i wanted to be in Davoz, representing Indonesia on world economic forum. probably its to big for someone who dont have clear background. but this morning, watched SBY and Ibu Mari elka Pangestu delivered Speech in front of people across pacific Asia, and explaining about Tri Hita Karana:

1. relations with God: during 2013, i realized i was not frequently praying; but i only praying when i believed its the right time to share story to God.

2. Relations to Nature: i dont have any plant, but i love to see things in green.

3. relations to human: i have to be more open to others and share things (any) more frequently

i started to understand that why does my live seems so boring lately, probably due to my inability to accept my “stuck in a moment” condition, which is Wish unequal with reality, and rise negativity had only make things in my life seem harder. i hope, i can harmonize my thought, deed, and feeling. to make my life happy. i hope my ambition still big, i hope i surounded by highly ambitious people. i hope i will be in the right environment soon, or i have to adapt with condition, or i buried deep in the ground like dinosaurus.

i was so resilient on facing live, and i wont beaten; i wont give up to change my life. i will do things differently from now on. and please angel and God, bless me up, show  me the right way, i do know the way, but please hold my hand and bring me to the right Path.

so, could i find the external motivation soon? and felt harmony and happiness.





October 6th 2013.