it was my biggest mistake when i always trying to do what i do not wanted to do. for the last 3 months, some big things that i think i must take A decision, then i changed into B decision due to i tried to please other people, even i do not fully embrace the idea.
This afternoon, my friend told me that he is insecure of his relationship with woman he had been partnering with for years. and i intensively share what i thought to my friend and try to absorb his solution. what i always remember is that he said i need affirmation of my decision, even i share my decision, it doesn’t mean my ultimate decision changed. his insecurity seems affecting his suggestion towards me; creating bias that shouldn’t be don’t by a mentor.
frequently some hunch come across and i didn’t follow it; i do regret why i am not following my intuition; where these intuitions have been guiding me in to get what i wanna get, and be what i wanna be.
some senior folks also reminds me that i must not try to not being my self.
it seems like i do not know what i wanna do and get, i unable to envision my future. i believe it will be more adventurous but plenty risks to overcome.
what i need is to become my self. even some friend told me that i am blunt and genuine, but i feel like i not say what i wanna say, not do what i wanna do. it seems like the brain trapped in a body. I must change.
I must change, I must change, I must change, I must change, I must change.
the positive energy that wakes me up every morning and make me hustle along the day, seems gone. but i must find my true self as fast as possible, by listen more to my intuition. in my thinking process and mindset.
I must have positive energy, positive energy, positive energy.
I must have self motivation, an urge to achieve more.
I believe that i can do what i wanna do, and be what i wanna be. and i dont wanna be or mimicking someone else.
Please Lord, guides me to become a genuine me. A man who stand on his ground, with convincing way of speaking and step.
Jakarta, November 15 2019.