Sayonara…

Tonight, i felt so sad, so lonely. the girl whom i loved, leaved me alone. She decided to get the new one’s. I don’t know what am i thinking of, until i encouraging my self to write this emotional letter in this blog. i just learnt about “hiding don’t fix anything”, a quote from a funny J-Drama. it was making me understood that I have hide a lot of things with everyone near me, within my circumference.

while i always

I don’t know where i have to start my stories. but it might be a good starting point for me, to change my habit for being introvert person. i am not introvert actually, but only about my love and family in particular.

I don’t know, what am i thinking of, until i writing my sad stories in my blog. but my situations right now was very fragile. i never thought that this kind of “mellow” activity would be started by me. but this is me, the real Tantular. Since i read a lot of Anand Krishna Books during this month, I realized the importance of love and beloved by the others. why, when I started to learn how to love better, using my real feeling, Karma, visits me.

Why, when i really need her love, she decided to make a relationship with another guy.. and told me that all the things she have done in order to make a revenge…about the scandal that I had in the early 2008 with unknown woman from Brawijaya Medical Faculty, I don’t want to open my past bad experience, but let me tell the real and might be funny for all of us.

2 years ago, i lied to a girl and hurts her. in doing so, i lost everything. it was only afterwards that i realized how much she meant to me. I am regrets it now. To be Continued.bi am so hungry..i have to eat to be more precisely arrange words.

Today is February 13th, now I am in Pare, to learn English, maybe its kind of runaway, or learning process? This is the fourth months she leaved me, with him. i don’t understand why…it seems uneasy for me to forget all of my experiences with her during our four consecutive years of relationship.

I try to understands… that this is the real feeling, i never felt like this.. this is love.. probably…but, time must go on, and i gradually erase…format….destroy.. all of my beautiful memories with her.

I have to be a tough guy. I am still young 21 years old, energetic…passionate… smart ( i hope), I will prove to her that I will find a better woman, not a better girl; more sophisticated woman, not a sophisticated girl. Only my close friends knew how much I always thinking about her, how much I had devoted my pure love to her. I knew that means nothing now. I knew, there’s no intention by her to make the relationship better, even though we’ve separated by destiny. I wish to God, She will always beloved by someone who really loves her. I pray for myself, to make my life better, brighter, and smarter than before.

I hope when i write this letter, as a churning point of my life, to realize that i still have much time to do something more beneficial for me. Rather than just thinking about my relationship with her.I will respect her, forever.

Chega de Saudade.

A B C of Living

recently, i read a book from Anand Krishna, and his book gave me some insights about how am i supposed to be doing within my lives.

so i want to share some Kahlil Gibran words about what living is, which had arranged by Anand Krishna in His Book.

A. Action : A little Knowledge that Acts is Worth Infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.

B. Beauty: Are You troubled by the many faiths that mankind professes? Are you lost in the valley of conflicting beliefs?… if such Case, then make beauty your religion, and worship her as your godhead; for she is the visible, manifest and perfect handiwork of God. …(believe) in the divinity of beauty that is at once the beginning of your worship of Life, and the source of your hunting for happiness

C.Courage: The spirit who has seen the specter of death cannot be scared by the faces of thieves; the soldier who has seen the swords glittering over his head and streams of blood under his feet does not care about rocks thrown at him by the children on the streets

D. Divinity: remember that divinity is the true self of Man. It cannot be sold for gold; neither can it be heaped up as are the riches of the world today. the rich man has cast off divinity, and has clung to his gold. and the young today have forsaken their Divinity and pursue self indulgence and pleasure

E. Equality: One hour devoted to the mourning and lamenting the stolen equality of the weak is nobler than a century filled with greed an usurpation.

F. Freedom: Life without freedom is like a body without a soul, and freedom without thought is like a confused spirit… Life, Freedom, and Thought are three in one, and are everlasting and never pass away.

G. Gentleness: the gentleness of some is like a polished shell with silky feel, lacking the precious pearl within oblivious of brother’s weal. when you shall meet  one who is strong and gentle too, pray feast your eyes; for he is glorious to behold, the blind can see his qualities

H. Hope: Hope is found not in the forest, not the wild portray despair; why should forest long for portions when the all is centered there? Should one search the forest hopeful, when all nature is the aim? For to hope is but an ailment, so are station, wealth and fame.

I. Ideas: Every beauty and greatness in this world is created by a single thought or emotion inside a man. every thing we see today, made by past generations, was before its appearance, a thought in the mind of a man or an impulse in the heart of a woman. the revolutions that shed so much blood and turned men’s minds toward liberty were the idea of one man who lived in the midst of thousands of men. The devastating wars which destroyed the empires were a thought that existed in the mind of an individual. the supreme teachings that changed the course of humanity were the ideas of a man whose genius separated him from his environment. A single thought built the pyramids, founded the glory of Islam, and caused the burning of the library at Alexandria.

J. Justice: When a man kills another man, the people say he is a murderer, but when the Emir kills him, the Emir is just. When a man robs a monastery, they say he is a thief, but when the Emir robs him of his life, the Emir is honorable. When a woman betrays her husband. they say she is an adulteress, but when the Emir makes her walk naked in the streets and stones her later, the Emir is noble. Shedding of blood is forbidden, but who made it lawful for the Emir? Stealing one’s money is a crime, but taking away one’s life is a noble act. Betrayal of a husband may be an ugly deed, but stoning of living souls is a beautiful sight. Shall we meet evil with evil and say this is law? Shall we fight corruption with greater corruption and say this is the rule? Shall we conquer crimes and say this is justice?

K. Kingdom of Heaven: Vain are the beliefs and teachings that make man miserable, and false is the goodness that leads him into sorrow and despair, for it is a man’s purpose to be happy on this earth and lead the way to felicity and preach its gospel wherever he goes. He who does not see the kingdom of heaven in this life. We came not into this life by exile, but we came as innocent creatures of God, to learn how to worship the holy and eternal spirit and seek the hidden secrets within ourselves from the beauty of life.

L. Law: people are saying that I am the enemy of just laws, of family ties and old tradition. Those people are telling the truth. I do not love man-made laws… I love the sacred and spiritual kindness which should be the source of every law upon the earth, for the kindness is the shadow of God in man.

M. Madness: Madness is the first step towards unselfishness. Be mad and tell us what is behind the veil of “sanity”. The purpose of life is to bring us closer to those secrets, and madness is the only means.

N. Nature: When I began to raw and paint, I did not say to myself, “Behold Kahlil Gibran, There are ahead of of you so many ways to art: the classic, the modern, the symbolistic, the impressionistic, and others. Choose for your self one of them.” I did nothing of the sort. I simply found my pen and brush, quite of themselves, recording symbols of my thought, emotions, and fancies. Some think the business of art to be a mere imitation of nature. But Nature is far too great and too subtle to be successfully imitated. No artist can ever reproduce even the least of Nature’s surpassing creations and miracles. Besides, what profit is there in imitating Nature when she is so open and so accessible to all who see and hear? The business of art is rather to understand. It is to convey the soul of a tree rather than to produce a fruitful likeness of the tree. It is to reveal the conscience of the sea, not to portray so many foaming waves or so much blue water. The mission of art is to bring out the unfamiliar from the most familiar.

P. Pity the eye that sees no more in the sun than a stove to keep it warm and a torch to light its way between the home and the business office. That is a blind eye, even if capable of seeing a fly a mile away. Pity the ear that hears no more than so many notes in the song of the nightingale. It is a deaf ear, even if capable of hearing the crawling of ants in their subterranean labyrinths.

O. Oneness: All things in this creation exist within you, and all things in creation; there is border between you and the closest things, and there is no distance between you and the farthest things, and all things, from the lowest to the loftiest, from the smallest to greatness, are within you as equal things. In one atom are found all the elements of the earth; in one motion of the mind are found the motions of all the laws of existence; in one drop of water are found the secrets of all the endless oceans; in one aspect of you are found all the aspects of existence.

P. Progress is not merely improving the past; it is moving forward toward future.

Q. Qualities of a good citizen: It is to acknowledge the other person’s rights before asserting your own, but always to be conscious of your own, but always to be conscious of your own. It is to create the useful and the beautiful with your own hands, and to admire what others have created in love and with faith. It is to produce by labor and only by labor and to spend less than you have produced that your children may not be dependent upon the state for support when you are no more.

R. Religion: If we were to do away with the various religions, we would find ourselves united and enjoying one great faith and religion, abounding in brotherhood.

Sympathy: The sympathy that touches the neighbor’s heart is more supreme than hidden virtue in the unseen corners of the convent. A world of compassion to the weak criminal or prostitute is nobler than the long prayer which we repeat emptily every today in the temple.

T. Truth: He who could seek truth and proclaim it to mankind is bound to suffer. My sorrows have taught me to understand the sorrows of my fellow men…persecution..(has not) dimmed the vision within me.

U. Unawareness: the human heart cries out for help; the human soul implores us for deliverance; but we do heed their cries, for we neither her nor understand. but when man who hears and understands we call mad, and flee from him. Thus the nights pass, and we live in unawareness; and the days greet us and embrace us. But we live in constant dread of day and night.

V. Virtue: Strange that virtue in me brings me nothing but harm, while my evil has never been to my disadvantage. Nevertheless, I continue fanatic in my virtue.

W. Wisdom: Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.

X. excess: In battling evil, excess is good; for he who is moderate in announcing the truth is presenting half-truth. He conceals the other half out of the people’s wrath.

Y.Youth: Mankind divided into two long columns, one composed of the aged and bent, who support themselves on crocked staves, and as they walk on the path of Life, they pant as if they were climbing toward a mountaintop, while they actually descending into the abyss. And the second column is composed of youth, running as with winged feet, singing as if their throats were strung with silver strings, and climbing toward the mountaintop as though drawn by some irresistible, magic power.

Z. Zee, this is Life : Man Struggles to find life outside himself, unaware that the life he is seeking is within him.